It's been a long time since I've visited this place. To be honest, I had completely forgotten it existed and that I had ever written anything here. It's very funny to me to see what I used to write and believe. I still love to write and lately I have had a desire to...not necessarily share my experiences or anything, but to just write. After the Army, I'd becomce very reclusive and unwilling to share what I'm about. I would like to get back to being me. I like writing and I like to express myself in a way that isn't so immediate as conversation.

I joined the Army, I was a medic, and a very good one at that. It wasn't anything I expected though. Mostly, it was wound care and rotations through different specialties. My time there certainly made me realize that the Army was not for me and that I most certainly do not want to be a doctor. I don't know what I want to be, even the who is still difficult. If I had to make a choice, I guess that it would be to have a job in a semi-demanding field, with enough money to subsist on. 

The world is not as I would have expected and compromise has made me complacent with so many facets of life. At the very least, I can express all of that here. I'm content, overall. There are many things I wish I could do better, but I've realized that I'm just human. Putting all the effort into being special was youthful ignorance, but also bliss in its own way. I'm just me, a very average person, with a pretty average life, and in a way that takes some of the pressure off. No one expects some sort of greatness and I have learned that I don't have to fulfill anyone else's expectations of greatness. I can be goofy. I can be dumb. I can be frustrated or joyous. I finally feel that I can be human in my own appetite and not have to live to an impossible standard that I never set for myself.

I'd like to start this again, but instead of being referred or expected to, it will be for myself and because I want to write about any mundane thing that comes to me. This is a freedom that I can't have in my everyday and one that I have always wanted.